One of my favorite movies is, "The Devil Wears Prada." One line in particular stands out (though I would consider it a motif throughout human expression). When our personal life goes up in smoke, it means it is time for a promotion. That was sort of my life last year. The Queer Student Union zapped much of the life out of me. It was great, rewarding, and I would not take that year back. That said, there were times that I was an absolute wreck. People around me noticed my emotional downturn. It was rough. I held afloat (thanks to a few things like being told to retake an exam), but it was almost on the edge. I actually called Purdue's guidance services a few times and hung up, having a hard time committing to the call I should have made.
That being said, I have come to understand a lot of things far better than I ever would have thought, and life doesn't have to be lived the up-in-smoke way.
I am starting to get that fire back on my tounge, and to remember why I was doing it all in the first place. Part of that I get to place on Mortar Board. The decisions and discussions that I have been a part of by being on Mortar Board's ExComm, especially tonight, have reminded me why I have done what I do and why I must continue. It almost seems disconnected, but the meeting, the thoughts expressed by the leadership conference committee, and the talk I had in the car ride home just offered clarity I had lost.
Hopefully I keep that clarity. This year has been so much more enjoyable than last! Plus, it is reminding me of what is important - the supporting of other people. The supporting I can still do in all of my current positions (including freelance!). If supporting people isn't what it is about, then what is it? That is where I care. That is where I want to go. That is what I am doing. Flying Spaghetti Monster help those that won't accept that!
I was just plotting along before so I would not be mad at myself for falling too far behind. Let the fire reignite!